A Reason to Live
by SilverStarr
Summary: [ One-Shot ] A look into Kikyou's thoughts. No pairings - don't worry, InuKag fans - I support your favorite couple too!


**Disclaimer:** I disclaim all rights to Inuyasha and its counterparts, as they rightfully belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

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**A Reason to Live**

Bow clutched in one hand, the priestess watched as the dark expanse of the night sky nipped at the remaining yellow and orange rays of the setting sun. When she had been alive, she enjoyed watching sunsets, seated peacefully upon a grassy hilltop and reveling in the sun's rays as they danced with the shadows, almost like a ray of hope in the daunting night. Now, sunsets seemed more like a time when the darkness overtook and drove out the beautiful light, taking away with it the last flicker of hope.

Kikyou smiled bitterly. That sounded like herself, ever since her resurrection. She no longer took pleasure in things that she would have half a century ago, no longer seeing everything in a positive light.

Now, all she could see was how the darkness took over everything, like how the hatred and sorrow took over her once pure and kind soul. Now, she was merely a walking corpse—no, not even a corpse, a ceramic doll—whose soul could not be released from the dark feeling of bitter betrayal of the one she once loved.

No. The one she _still_ loves.

Kikyou narrowed her eyes. She had been resurrected to hate him.

To hate him for betraying her when she put so much hope and faith into him.

To hate him for turning her so weak she could not even see the threat posed by Onigumo.

To hate him for making her fall in love with him.

Yes, she hated him, with all her soul. She had wanted him to feel the hate, the pain he had caused her, to make him suffer as she had. He had promised to be with her forever, and she held him to that promise and sought to keep him with her forever in the hell that was her cold and bitter soul.

But her heart would not allow it. In her heart was still a spark of devotion that drove her to ensure his happiness, the desire for him to let go of the past and move on.

Nevertheless, the darkness of her soul overpowered the light of her heart, as she herself could not completely let go of the past and move on.

Was that why she continued to live, no—exist in this world? Even when her own sister believed she had no place in this world? She had no reason to exist, to desire to live.

_Inuyasha. _

That name. The name of the one she could not forget. The name of the one she did not want to let go of. The name of the one she fell in love with.

Even as he frolicked about and fell in love with her reincarnation, she could not help but think about him, still love him. But she understood that she no longer belonged by his side—that was now her reincarnation's place. And she knew, and had come to accept, that Inuyasha would not give up her reincarnation for her—not anymore. At least she was assured that Inuyasha would never forget her as he looked into the face of her reincarnation, a mirror image of her own face.

Kikyou sighed, then took a breath of the cool night air. Inuyasha had fulfilled his promise after all. They would be together forever, her souls with him in the form of her reincarnation, and he with her—her feelings for him forever burned into her dark soul.

She should feel guilty for her actions, for her attempts to destroy his happiness. But the last of her original souls was too filled with the bitterness of hatred and sorrow to allow for such emotions as guilt. Besides, ceramic dolls don't have feelings—the dead cannot feel guilty.

Kikyou gazed into the night sky as the glowing form of her soul stealer slithered toward her. Lifting up her hand, she allowed the creature to land on her finger.

"I see," she murmured, allowing the creature to fly back into the air to gather more souls for her body. Turning from her vigil on the cliff, she began walking into the darkness, her many soul stealers following after her.

For now, she will continue searching for the other one that her soul hates, the one who caused her all this pain and suffering. For now, she will continue searching for a reason to live.

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**Author's Notes:**

I wrote the original version nearly a year ago, and now that I've finished watching the entire TV series, I've realized it no longer really fit into her character as portrayed by the end of the series. Thus, I decided to revise (more like rewrite) the story to better fit her later character.

Like few others, I believe she is a very misunderstood character hated for the wrong reasons (mainly because she's trying to break up Inuyasha and Kagome, but much later—at least in the manga—Kikyou and Inuyasha have come to an understanding, and she almost seems to have moved aside for Kagome). I also believe the Inuyasha special featuring Inuyasha and Kikyou might also have been show the tragedy behind these two lovers and help Kikyou-haters see her in a different light.

Of course, some people are still going to hate her (after all, there will always be opposing views), but I do hope they'll at least try to understand her character a little more before jumping in with the majority in hating her. Besides, if I can like Kikyou and not like Kagome (although I like the fact she's actually a main female character who can fight) but still love the InuKag pairing (Inuyasha and Kagome really are such an adorable couple), then I think some people can at least try to make an effort in not jumping on the Kikyou-haters bandwagon. .


End file.
